Factors for Overcomers

Many ask me what sets those who overcome homosexuality apart from those who don't?  I have seen five factors that overcomers have in common. First, they are highly motivated.  They have had an encounter with God's grace.  Because He first loves us we want to love Him back.

 

This is not just theology, but a core reality for overcomers.  Several years ago, I was doing an interview and was asked if the reason I left homosexuality was because I was afraid of going to Hell.  I laughed and told him, "No, the reason I left homosexuality was because I knew I was not going to Hell!"  Love is the greatest motivator to obedience, not fear

 

The second factor is they have a tenacious commitment towards the right goal.  Oswald Chambers said, "Never let the sense of past failure corrupt your new effort or action."  Overcomers realize they are on a journey and a failure does not mean they need to start over at the beginning.  Their salvation is not on probation.  Their goal is removing every obstacle that keeps them from enjoying intimacy with their Savior.  Overcomers realize that their sins past, present and future were nailed to the cross.  Their goal is not heterosexuality or freedom from temptation, but enjoying peace with God.

 

The third factor is that those who overcome realize that nobody achieves alone. Many proclaim all you need is Jesus. When I responded to God's Grace in faith and repentance, I was drawn to my sexual sin like a moth to a light and yet, there was a desire to live a life pleasing to God.  I found myself in a hopeless cycle of falling, repenting, re-committing myself to purity, only to fall again.  I felt shame, alone and hated myself for not being able to break free from that cycle. 

 

I finally stopped struggling in silence, stepped out of my shame, and shared my struggles with homosexuality with my singles pastor.  He loved me and became a friend to encourage me in my journey of sexual redemption.  I also connected with a couple of Godly men who ran the love marathon with me for the next few years.  They didn't give me advice on how to deal with my issues, they prayed and loved me through them.

 

The fourth characteristic of overcomers are they take responsible actions.  This does not conflict with Grace.  There are principles and promises within God's Grace. Overcomers take actions such as cutting off ties with their partners or installing Internet filters if they struggle with pornography.

 

The final factor is keeping perspective.  When you get injured, you tend to put all your attention on the part of your body that hurts.  It is good for an overcomer to take time to allow God to reveal, heal and restore the soul.  But the people who overcome realize that the rest of their body is functioning well.  They realize their homosexuality is only one aspect of their personhood.  They don't become self-centered and stuck on themselves.

 

Understanding that what had happened to me in the past was not what had caused my homosexuality. It was actually my sinful, neurotic ways of dealing with those things. By keeping perspective that I was on a journey and there were healthy parts that could serve others had a tremendous healing effect.  I realized we all have our dragons we have to fight.  And none of us get to choose which one we have.

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