Helping A Friend Who Struggles with Homosexuality
The Lord has placed you in this situation for a special reason: you have something to share. You don't have to be a professional counselor or come from a homosexual background to be effective. Your life can make a difference.
It will be the quality and depth of your Christian walk, not your studied words or polished technique that will win your friend. The following thoughts should help.
Your friend is a whole person, not just a 'homosexual'. There is more to him than his sexual sin. He has value as a person since God made him in His image and likeness. Christ died for him and He will continue to love him no matter what. This must be your attitude also. Any attempt to help your friend, without this unconditional love, will fail.
Examine your own behavior and motives. Before you attempt to help, be certain that your relationship to Christ is firm. Ask Christ to bring to your mind and to change any areas of your life (especially your sexuality) that are inconsistent with His will.
Find out whether or not your friend is a Christian. If he is not, your first priority is to introduce your friend to the Lord. Stick to the issue, not his homosexuality but his need of God. Remember we are all sinful and come short of the glory of God. The homosexual is not a special case. Homosexuality is not the Abiggest sin.”
If your friend is already a Christian and is still struggling with homosexuality, ask him how he feels about himself and his relationship to Christ. Don't limit your conversations to homosexuality. Remember, your friend is a total person, not just a sexual being.
As you talk, keep in mind that homosexuality (like other sins) is just another expression of unfulfilled needs and unresolved hurts. As these basic needs are filled and the hurts resolved, homosexuality will gradually lose its power and appeal.
Establish trust. Be a true friend. This is your duty as a Christian. Don't play 'psychologist'. Be yourself. Respect your friend=s confidence, as you would expect him to keep yours.
Love your friend enough to be honest with him. Don't back down on God's standard that homosexuality is sin. God hates sin, but loves the sinner. Don't be afraid of such loving confrontation.
Share, as you would with any friend, trials that you have experienced in the past or are going through now. Convey hope. Tell how God helps you.
Realize that you will not have all the answers. Be willing to admit your limitations. God will bring about the changes. You are the instrument; God is the Source. If your friend becomes too dependent on you, remind him of this fact.
Be patient. God is at work. Don't judge your friend's progress, your own ability as a helper, or God's power to change us according to your own ideas of how and when things should happen. God is still in control.
If, after all of this, your friend rejects God's help and yours, don't become discouraged. Don't blame yourself, and most of all, don't lose your confidence in God. Be available to your friend, love him and keep him continually in your prayers.
If we can be of further service to you as you seek to help your friend, feel free to write or call us. We are here to help.
